My Way of Thinking: Birthday Thoughts

Today is Father's Day.  That has always been a day that precedes my birthday by only a few days.  Of course, it is a day to remember my father, William Austin Howe Sr. but it has always also been a day to anticipate the passage of another year.  This year is no different but it bears a bit more significance to me.  My father passed on at age 58 and this Friday, June 22nd will be my 58th birthday.  It gives one pause.  At least it gives ME pause.

Having the same name as my dad is about the only real similarity between us at this point.  I don't see my father when I look into the mirror, either figuratively or literally.  I have had such different life experiences than he had and, because of that, I have a very different take on everything imaginable.  The lessons I learned from my father have no doubt been invaluable, but they have very little real time influence.

As a counselor, I run across certain recurring themes with my clients.  So many seem to look to their parents as the reason for why they are who they are.  I always point out that we can also turn that around and look to our parents for the reason why we aren't who they were.  It can work both ways.  The important thing is to avoid the blame game.  It was what it was but it isn't what is now.  The past can be instructional, but when dwelling upon it causes us to miss the present, we do ourselves a terrible disservice.

I recommend meditation.  There are many different forms of this, but whatever method you prefer, the object is to take a few minutes out of your busy life to reboot.  It is a chance to be still and experience the immediacy of being in the moment.  It is a chance to stop being the hamster on that wheel to nowhere.  Meditation helps you to be still both physically and mentally.  It is a moment to listen and experience the energy that surrounds us.  Hard to experience that energy as intake if you are only expending it.

This is certainly one way I am very different from my father.  He was on that never ending treadmill.  I have learned to take time to be still.  Because of that, I turn 58 years young without trepidation.  I admit it feels a little strange and a little sad that he left so young.  But I am not my dad.  And that is what I remind those who come to me for advice about the effect of ones parents.

                                           Peace and Love,

                                              Austin/Bill

                                 www.wahjr56.blogspot.com

My Way of Thinking: Boozer

Sometimes things just don't work out as planned.  This was one of those times.  Jon and I had decided to adopt a 9 year old male dog named Boozer.  One look at those eyes and I was in love.  It all happened rather quickly.  I spoke with a facebook friend who knew the dog's owner.  Then I spoke with the actual owner and it was decided that Boozer would come live with us in Palm Springs.  I was beyond excited.  But the day of Boozer's arrival was a disaster.  Everything that could go wrong did.

It was hot.  Roxy, our 15 year old female decided that this was a good occasion to show dominance.  Our apartment manager decided to display his own kind of dominance by saying we couldn't have another dog.  The people who brought Boozer to us were understandably uncomfortable with the apparent situation.  How could they know that these things were not a problem to me?  I would have called our apartment owner and solved that little glitch.  Roxy would have calmed down.  But they took Boozer away.  For the first time in my life, I was told that mine was not a suitable home for a dog.  I waited until they left to cry like a baby.

All kinds of things went through my mind.  I was terribly hurt and that came out as anger.  For a brief period I forgot all the things that make me sane and became a raving lunatic. But finally, with a lot of love from my friends, I came back to my senses.  I realized that love was the answer.  The Universe has other plans for me.  Acceptance HAS to be the order of the day.

I reread my own words on this blog about Mourning The Loss of a Pet.  It is kind of funny that I ended up healing myself.  It made me aware that we all have that ability.  The Universe gives us all great power if we just tune into the gifts that are right there for the taking.

                                            Peace and Love,

                                               Austin/Bill

                                   www.wahjr56.blogspot.com

My Way of Thinking: Dysfunctional?

As my readers know by now, I counsel homeless and disadvantaged people for a local charity organization.  I have been doing this for two years now and I have talked with a lot of clients over that period of time.  I am not a psychologist so my main focus is on trying to find resources for the people I talk with.  But psychology comes with the territory.  People who need help ask questions and I feel that I have to help in any way I can.  So I use a technique called "active listening" to help them get to the route of their problem with the knowledge they possess inside.

The word dysfunctional has become something that many people seem to banter about to explain why they are the way they are.  "I come from a dysfunctional family" is a phrase I hear in nearly all my conversations with clients when they try to explain why they use alcohol or drugs to escape their current problems. While I am fairly certain they DO come from a dysfunctional family,  I have to ask, "Who doesn't?".  Families are inherently dysfunctional no matter how hard they try not to be.  We ALL come with a certain level of dysfunction.  I agree there are different levels of this, but basically their is dysfunction whenever two or more people get together in any kind of emotional relationship.  We may have like thinking, but we do not think alike.  Siblings who are brought up in the same environment often have totally different views on what that environment actually was.  It is all a matter of perception.  It is also a matter of choices that each individual makes.

Using past experiences to excuse or explain away a current situation is bogus.  Other people can influence us for sure, but ultimately we all make our own choices.  It is easy to blame our backgrounds for everything.  But, when all is said and done, we are the ones who choose for ourselves.  The choices we make are what truly shape our lives.  Others may influence us, of course, but bottom line we make our own choices.  Sometimes we choose not to make a choice at all, but even if we do that we have actually chosen not to choose.

It is only when we take responsibility fully for who we are right now that we can be free of the blame game.  Dysfunctional relationships?  Sure.  All their fault?  THAT I don't buy.  I come back to the word choice.  We choose to stay or go.  We choose to be happy or sad.  We choose to love or hate.  We are in charge of how we look at things.  The devil made me do it is just a way to avoid our own responsibility to shape our own destinies.  When we waste our time blaming our dysfunctional lives on others we are looking in the rearview mirror.  We are missing the brick wall straight ahead.  Who do we blame when we crash head on into that brick wall?  Our choice.

This is food for thought.  I don't pretend to have the answers.  This blog is subtitled "My Way of Thinking" for a reason.  I mean only to inspire you to take another look inside yourself.  If you begin with a choice to love, I guarantee you will be better prepared to face life as it IS.

                                             Peace and Love,

                                                Austin/Bill

                                   www.wahjr56.blogspot.com

My way of thinking: What I've Learned From Dogs

I suppose I write about this subject all the time.  But I thought it might be fun to put it all into some kind of order.

I have had dogs since I was 5 yrs old.  I loved them and they loved me.  But I never really thought about all the things they were teaching me.  It wasn't until about 1996 when I got a dog from a shelter in Key West.  We named her Miss Parker and she loved us from the moment she was released from her prison.  She is a story all by herself and I will tell it soon.  For now, I will talk about the many thing I have learned from the many, many dogs who have changed and enhanced my life.

#1: UNCONDITIONAL LOVE  This is something that dogs have all over their two legged counterparts.  They don't care if you are rich or poor.  They don't care if you punish them.  They will love you no matter what.  Even a dog who is left outside, even chained, will be thrilled to see his human.  They hold no grudges.

#2: FORGIVENESS  Every dog who has come into my life has an enormous capacity to forgive.  I have seen dogs who were abused, and yet they still loved the person who was their abuser.  Talk about turning the other cheek.  I know I couldn't be that forgiving.

#3: LOYALTY  There is no loyalty on earth like that of a dog. We have all seen the stories about the faithful dog who holds vigil over a beloved owner who has passed away.  They grieve every bit as much as the humans.  Maybe more.  They also grieve over the loss of a companion pet, be it dog or cat.  While a dog seems to forget an abuse, they don't seem to forget the loss of a friend.

#4:  ENTHUSIASM  Dogs are interested in the world around them.  Some more than others but all seem to appreciate every tree, every bush, every dog, cat, squirrel, or bird that crosses their path.  They greet each day with joy.  When you come home from work, or even a 10 minute absence, they greet you with wagging tails as if you were gone for a week.

#5:  APPRECIATION  A dog appreciates every pat on the head.  They love those belly rubs, head scratches, and the ever popular butt scratch.  They love every walk, every meal, and every water change.  They love every word of praise, every kiss, and every show of your love.  They are truly sorry if they misbehave and make you reprimand them.  Often they don't know what they did wrong, but they don't ever want you to be unhappy.

#6:  COMFORT  Whenever a dog senses that you are unhappy, they will come to you and offer their comfort and understanding.  They will sit with you quietly and lick away your tears.

I can come up with more, but I try to keep my posts short.  As always, I appreciate your comments.  I always love it when anyone joins my site.  That way you receive my posts via email so you don't have to search them out.

These were some of the things I have learned from dogs.  I work hard to exhibit these same traits.  Dogs inspire me.

                                          Peace and Love,

                                              Austin/Bill

                                  www.wahjr56.blogspot.com

My Way of Thinking: Therapy adoption

Writing usually comes easily to me.  But this has been a different kind of month for me.  Either I had some great ideas but no time to write, or I had time and not a thought in my head.  Today is kind of a combination of both things but I will write anyway.

The past week was really interesting because we did something a little different.  We took two shelter dogs who had had problems fitting into a new home and worked with them for three days solid.  Both pups had been adopted but then returned because of "behavioral" issues.  They were both small (around 15 lbs.), one male and one female.  They had never lived in a normal home environment and they both had no experience with giving or receiving love.  On top of that, they were terribly fearful of other dogs and most people.

These little terrier mixes needed to learn to trust, and they needed to learn quickly.  I only had three days, and my goal was to make them suitable for adoption, and to find them good homes.  At the end of the three days I wanted to be sure that they would never be in a cage again.  What a great test of my theories about love training.  With my partner, Jon, 100% on board, we got started the moment they walked in the door.  They were both terrified and shaking, so we began by getting on the floor.  Our dogs, Roxy and Charlie are old pros at this type of thing, so they also made themselves small and calm.  Roxy (a natural mama) made the first move.  She gently let them know that she was not a threat.  Then she introduced them to Charlie.  Jon and I just laid back and observed these interactions for awhile.  We then began petting Charlie and Roxy, all the while getting closer and closer to the little ones.  We let them smell us and finally began giving them some light petting.  We did this off and on all day.  The rescues became more and more comfortable and even began playing with our two pooches.  By the time they had to leave, they were starting to feel at home with us.

The next day it was like two new dogs entered our apartment.  Instead of the timid, terrified dogs we originally met, these guys were excited to be here.  They started playing with Roxy and Charlie and all four dogs were jumping up and down into our laps.  We waited until late morning and took them to Koffi (our favorite dog loving coffee place).  By late morning it is not too busy but there are still people and dogs there.  We introduced them to new people and new dogs very gently.  Both dogs got better and better.  They learned by watching our kids interact.

By the end of day two Jon had a great home for the female from the owner of our local convenience/liquor store.  His dog transitioned a few months ago and he was ready for the challenge of loving a new dog.  I got on the phone to try to find the right home for the male.  We needed experienced dog owners who would understand the special needs and training these dogs would need.  I had a couple of people who wanted to sleep on it, so I was hopeful.

Day three a potential owner for the male agreed to meet him at Koffi.  It was love at first sight.  We had our two forever homes.  That evening both dogs went to their new homes.  They left here as totally revived animals.  The fear was gone.  The love was blossoming and expanding.  I am now working with the owners and their new pets on basic obedience training.  It was a smashing success for all involved.

It is ALL about LOVE!  When you start with love, all the rest falls into place.  It is easy to be patient with those we love.  It is easy to be kind.  We can learn so much from our animals.

                                         Peace and Love,

                                             Austin/Bill
                            
                                www.wahjr56.blogspot.com

My way of thinking/ Music and me

•  

Yes, that handsome boy in the center of the picture is me.  In 1970 at the ripe old age of 15, I was made a member of a High School singing group called The Chanteurs.  It was a great honor to be included in the top singing group right out of Junior High.  It was the beginning of my career as a performer.  To this day, I am still in touch with a few of those talented kids.

Music was important to me from birth.  My mother said I came straight from the womb with a love of music.  Since I can't remember a time when I wasn't in love with anything musical, I would tend to agree with her.  I particularly loved show tunes.  Mom would play show albums and I would memorize every word and do my best to sing along.  My real talent didn't manifest itself until my voice changed at age 12, but that never stopped me from singing any time I got the chance.  I studied piano so I could play for myself.  I was consumed with the joy that music brought to my life.  I even became an actor through music.  It sustained me through the tough times and still does.  If I need an uplift, there is always a song for that.

When I was 19 years old I got my first professional job in the musical "Hair".  I played the gay guy, Woof with a very dirty song.  I had to look up the words in the dictionary.  There was no stopping me after that.  I was officially an actor/singer and even though I stopped singing publicly a few years ago, I still identify myself as actor/singer/voice teacher.

Music still plays a huge part in my life.  It brings me joy every day and plays as the soundtrack of my life.  It expresses love for me more than I ever could.  It expresses so many things for me.  Music is my therapist.  Just felt like sharing this.

                                           Peace and Love,

                                              Austin/Bill

                                      www.wahjr56.blogspot.com

My way of thinking/ The Little Things

It is all about the little things we do in life.  I like to try to do BIG things, but when it comes down to it, it's about that smile to a stranger.  It's about letting the cashier know they are valued.  It all comes to sharing love.  Give from the heart and you'll always get from some one's heart.  It doesn't always have to come from the person you gave to.  It may very well come from the most unexpected source.  How about the love of a dog or a cat?  That is a giant reward to me.  For those who have children, that love has to be grand beyond belief!  Then there's the love you can feel from a gentle breeze.  The sunrise.  Goodness is always there if that is what we are looking to see.


I am blessed to have many friends in my life.  Sometimes they come to me with things they perceive to be problems.  Often they are totally justified.  I can offer them love and support.  I can be understanding and comforting.  And, if there problem is only in the way they are looking at something, I can share my point of view.  That is a little thing.  Every blessed day is full of opportunities to share some little things, moments, smiles, a touch to let someone know that you are present.  Doesn't always have to be a grand gesture.  Think small.  It will become big.


This is a short little story because it's about little things.  Just remember to see and appreciate what is right before your eyes.  All you need is love!  (Stealing from The Beatles!)


                                          Peace and Love,

                                             Austin/Bill