My way of thinking/ reflections on a holiday

A four day weekend!  What an opportunity to make some memories, and boy, did we ever!

We began with Thanksgiving Day by serving food in the park for the needy.  This has become a tradition for us over the years.  It can be heartbreaking at times because you have to look at things that most people choose to ignore.  Families who have lost their way are plentiful.  People who have been crushed by an unforgiving economy, or who have given up for a variety of reasons come to feel "normal" for an hour or two and share a tradition with others who hopefully understand and show them compassion.  They come looking to be seen as fellow human beings.  A little compassion goes a long way.  Jon and I have that to give so that's what we do.

Our reward came on Sunday 11/27.  We threw an after-Thanksgiving party for friends and neighbors.  I got to see some old friends, some new friends, and some neighbors who didn't have the luxury of family to share the holiday with.  The picture above shows some of the people who stopped by to share in a great traditional Thanksgiving meal and a genuine lovefest.  My dear friend, Sandy came with 3 of her 5 sons and daughter-in-law.  Justin and Katie, Eric, and Matthew.  Our neighbors, Carl, Eyron, and Charlotte (Charlie) came to share with us the joy of being blessed by the abundance the Universe has rewarded us with.  We created a sense of family with little effort at all.  An open heart, combined with an open mind, leads to revelations and new perspectives.

One of the most special things for me was the appearance of our neighbor, Eyron.  I have invited him for several years but he always politely refused.  Eyron is an older man who suffers from schizophrenia.  He takes his medication and is under control but he doesn't speak.  Instead he writes notes.  I think he is afraid to speak out loud because he is frightened of not being able to control what he says.  This year he decided to join us for whatever reason.  Maybe it was because I created a lot of vegetarian faire.  Maybe it was because he has finally come to trust our friendship.  Whatever the reason, it was a blessing to all of us to have his grateful, silent presence with us.  I believe this was a first for him and Jon and I hope to keep up the momentum.  He wrote three different thank you notes.  That, my friends, is what Thanksgiving means to me.

I write about love, gratitude, connectivity, and giving all the time.  I sometimes feel that I am being redundant (boring even) but, if my little blog inspires even one person to slow down long enough to see the opportunities that the Universe drops right in our laps every single blessed day, then I will have achieved my goal.  We all get wrapped up in our own stuff.  Nothing wrong in that, I suppose.  But every so often, take time to open your eyes and look around you.  A very small effort can create a tidal wave of change in the world that surrounds you.  Don't let that go unnoticed.

                                        Peace and Love,

                                          Austin/Bill

                               www.wahjr56.blogspot,com

My way of thinking/ For the love of Walt Disney

It will come as no surprise to my faithful readers that I dearly LOVE Disney drawn animation.  I enjoy the computer generated stuff as well, but for pure artistry, I prefer the hand drawn stuff.  There is magic in the idea that real people used pen and paper (simplifying the process but you get what I mean) to bring hundreds of thousands of drawings to life.  The sheer magnitude of such an operation is astounding to me.


Besides the artistry of the drawings is the art of telling a story.  All the truly great animated films have one thing in common.  They are the stories that tell us that love conquers all and that good will always prevail over evil.  Simple concepts though they may be, they are ideals that have a ring of truth even in our adult cynicism.  This is the way things SHOULD be.  If life isn't quite that simple, we have to ask ourselves why not.  The follow-up question becomes, what can we do to make our lives follow the outline of a fairy tale complete with the happily ever after ending?


"Bambi" begins with a beautiful tour of a densely wooded forest.  While viewing nature's masterpiece we listen to a song that tells us, "Love is a Song That Never Ends".  The tone is perfectly set for the story of love between mother and child, then the love that comes with friendship, the love between father and son, and finally the love between mates.  We also learn how destructive and careless man can be when he causes a fire in the forest (not to mention killing Bambi's mother).  These are wonderful lessons at any age.


Then there are the Disney heroines.  In the early films, the heroines were victims who were rescued from their plights by the handsome Prince Charming.  In today's films the heroines are stronger females who are just as likely to save the prince from HIS plight.  I like it either way because the message is always that love conquers any and all obstacles.  If you believe enough and try hard enough, a happy ending will be the end result.


Believe me, I understand that life is far more complex than a Disney film.  But my point is that these stories can be templates for the way we approach our lives.  If we believe in the power of love, and if we believe that good will win out in the end, we have set up our own happy ending.  If we constantly look at the struggle, and not at the goal, we have set ourselves up for devastating failure.  We have the choice to NOT allow the challenges that life so casually tosses our way to throw us.  We can choose to face these challenges with the idea that positive trumps negative.  Destiny and fate are only words to describe that future which is unknowable.  No one can ever convince me of the concept of predestination.  If that were so, why in the world would anyone bother getting out of bed?


I recently wrote about the power of dreaming.  Dreams are hopes and wishes.  Without them we are adrift in the chaos that surrounds us.  I am not saying that we can, or should, disconnect from reality, but with a little Disney imagination, we can alter our own reality to reflect the world (our part of it) as it CAN be.  The possibilities are endless.


                                              Peace and Love,


                                                 Austin/Bill


                                     www.wahjr56.blogspot.com

My way of thinking/ Things for which I am thankful

Why does Austin have a picture of a man being loved by his lion on his blog?  Thanks for asking.  It's because I am thankful that I can share this beautiful moment with you.  Can there be too many pictures showing the connectivity of all living things?  Can we have too many examples of unconditional love between humans and the creatures that surround us?  But I digress.  This post is part of a challenge from my pals at The Circulation Desk (my blogging group) to write 5 - 10 things for which we are thankful.  I am thankful every day but I will use this holiday time of year to express my gratitude once again.

#1.  This year I almost lost my partner Jon.  He became ill very suddenly and spent 8 days in a coma with a ventilator doing his breathing for him.  I am so unbelievably grateful that he pulled through and stayed with us.  The power and energy that I received from my friends was palpable.  I felt a protective energy field around me all the time.  Out of an extremely negative situation, I was given the most positive reinforcement of my belief in the power of love imaginable.

#2.  I have a lot of friends.  Each one brings something very special to my abundant table.  My friends are like pieces of a giant puzzle that, put together, make such a beautiful picture.  My life is blessed every minute of every day by the knowledge that you love me.  I love you more.

#3.  My love for animals is well known to my readers.  Our dogs, Roxy and Charlie have been well documented in my posts.  They teach me about love and connectivity every day.  By following their example I am a better man.  I thank them by emulating their kind, generous and loyal, happy and loving, examples.

#4.  I consider the fact that I have had the opportunity to travel all over the world to be an enormous gift.  There can be no better education than the ability to see firsthand the wonders and the scope of the world that surrounds us.  The chance to glimpse into other cultures and experience different customs is priceless.  The understanding that we are all different and that that is a good thing is a lesson that is gained though open minded travel.

#5.  I was blessed with a wonderful family growing up.  Though they are almost all gone now, I cherish the memories and the lessons they have left behind.  Love was first and foremost.  Loyalty and commitment were required. Honesty was a given.  I am well aware that I honor my family when I do what I know to be right.

#6.  How could I leave out something that is so important to me, it is the equivalent of breathing? That would be music.  Music has been the soundtrack of my life.  I remember thoughts and conversations by what song was playing in the background.  Sometimes no song was actually playing anywhere but in my head.  My ability to express myself through music saved my sanity on many occasions.  Ask my New York friends.

I could go on and on.  I am grateful for the sunrise every morning.  I am grateful for the songs of the birds in the trees.  The majesty of the mountains that surround our valley.  I try to remember to be thankful for these things every day.  But it has been nice to put it in writing one more time.

                                        Peace and Love,

                                           Austin/Bill

                               www,wahjr56.blogspot.co



My way of thinking/ Dreams

" Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue. And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true."

"A dream is a wish your heart makes."

"When you wish upon a star your dreams  come true."  Familiar lyrics to familiar songs.  We grew up with the idea that dreams really do come true.  And we were brought up right!  "And because these daft and dewy-eyed dopes keep building up impossible hopes, impossible things are happ'ning every day."

I was thinking today about the hopes and dreams we all have.  I think that as we get a little older, we start to lose the faith to believe in our dreams.  What a mistake that is!  Of course not every dream comes true.  Life teaches us that in a hurry.  But when we stop daring to dream, we limit ourselves in a multitude of ways.  We leave the childlike wonder behind and focus on the unrelenting realities that barrage our daily lives.  What fun is there in that?  If we no longer dare to dream, what chance is there for miracles?

I love to dream about what I would do if I won one of those giant lottery jackpots.  Since I very rarely spend the buck it takes to play, my dream is obviously unrealistic.  But I dream about it anyway because it makes me happy.  It makes me happy to think that I could really make a difference in a financial way to the causes that are near and dear to my heart.  I am old enough, and wise enough, not to dream of mansions and cars.  I like to dream about ways that I can leave a legacy behind.  Writing this blog is part of that dream.  But if i don't write it, my dream can't come true any more than winning the lottery can happen if I don't buy a ticket.

I guess that what I'm trying to say is: Dreams can be very helpful.  I am grateful for the ability to dream of things to strive for.  Whether the dream becomes reality or not is really irrelevant.  The magic is in the wish, the hope, the desire to live a better life.  And we can dream for others who are unwilling, or unable, to dream for themselves.

                                            Peace and Love,

                                               Austin/Bill

                                  www.wahjr56.blogspot.com

My way of thinking/ Ordinary Miracles

It is a rare thing indeed to find a photo with the four of us in it. We always plan to have friends take a few pics of us when they come to visit but we get to talking and I completely forget. This picture is from about three years ago, during our blond period. It was taken at Koffi, our favorite coffee place. We love to take our dogs, and the dogs we foster, there. They have a huge grassy area in back where the pups can meet other pups. It is particularly good for the dogs we have in our home 4 days a week. We get two a day so they can be out of their cages and see what a loving home is all about. We often get adoptions right there at Koffi.

I was thinking last night about all the little miracles that we tend to take for granted. What sparked this thought was looking to my right and seeing our boy Charlie sleeping in his own bed. He has avoided his bed since the day we bought it, but Roxy has always slept in her bed. I guess he finally got the idea that it looked pretty comfy. It was one of those sweet moments that deserve to be savoured.

Things like the bus running right on time, or being in a long line that moves quickly; these are the kinds of things we sometimes forget to be grateful for. The beauty of the mountains, the majesty of the ocean, the trees that move and sigh with the breeze; these are things we see all the time so we can stop being in awe of these ordinary miracles. We shouldn't allow ourselves to ignore all the things that make life so wonderful. Just taking a second to recognize those little things that make life worthwhile can make such a difference in the way we approach each day. If we are grateful for the small things that happen, think how grateful we can be when something big comes along. Our mind is already set up to experience the joy of something wondrous!

I begin each day by meditating. I use the sunrise as a focal point. I am not a closed eyed, cross legged, mantra chanting type of meditator. Rather I use the power of the sunrise as a focus to calm me, allow my mind to be quiet and still, and allow the power of the dawning light to fill me with energy. It is always my first miracle of the day.

I just thought I would send out a gentle reminder of how important it is to remain grateful for the ordinary miracles that happen every day. By recognizing the good, we are better able to combat the bad. We can choose what we want to see and what we don't. It just takes practice. And maybe a slight nudge every once in awhile.

                                           Peace and Love,

                                              Austin/Bill

                                www.wahjr56.blogspot.com

my way of thinking: Phil part 3

Parts 1 and 2 told the story of my brother Phil's difficulties with drugs and alcohol. We have gone from his birth in 1956 to 1986.

In February of 1986 I was living with a partner, Paul, and was doing a show in Santa Barbara. I was so busy during that month that I had very little time for anyone. But I still spoke with Phil every day. He was having financial problems (what else is new?) so I did my best to give advice over the phone. I hadn't seen Phil for a couple of months. He didn't say anything about his health other than to say he had been to a doctor for a "slight" infection.

On February 26th I was finished with my show so I invited Phil over for dinner. Paul and Phil got along great so we were both excited to see Phil after several months. We were in for a shock. When Phil walked in the door my heart dropped into my stomach. Phil, who was 6'7 3/4", looked like a refugee from a concentration camp. I had never seen him so thin and haggard looking. He was weak and could barely walk. I freaked out. Phil had been in the hospital many times during his adult life. He seemed to get pneumonia about once a year. So I thought that he was going through that again and told him so. He agreed and promised to see his doctor the next day.

Being Phil, he didn't go to the doctor the next day or the day after that. We continued our phone conversations but they changed tone. I was the nagging big brother and Phil sounded weaker and more tired every day. I asked our Aunt Ruth Lee to drop by Phil's apartment and check on him. That was on March 6th.

The next call I received was from our aunt. She was calling from the hospital (less than a mile from where I was living) to tell me that Phil had been admitted and was in the ICU. I wasn't terribly surprised. My main thought was "here we go again" as I got in my car to go to the hospital. I had done this before so I stopped by admissions before going up to see Phil. I was a little taken aback when they started asking me questions about next of kin and d.n.r. (do not resuscitate) orders. I had never been asked things like that before but I figured they were just being cautious.

When I got to Phil's bedside I was shocked at how bad he looked. He had been sick before but this time it was different. There were tubes everywhere and his skin was gray. I was convinced that this was another bout with pneumonia but Phil had let it go too far. He had gone through it so many times that I convinced myself that he would get over it and I would give him another lecture about drugs ruining his health etc.

By the next day Phil had been moved out of ICU and into a private room. Our Grandmother was being brought to the hospital to visit (Phil was her favorite person in the world) and I began to feel uneasy. When I got to Phil's room I was confronted with a quarantine sign. That's when it dawned on me that this was something more than pneumonia. My aunt was in the room, looking pale herself. She had alerted the rest of the family (aunts, uncles, cousins) and I had this horrible sinking feeling. This was serious but I still thought that Phil would pull out of it. After all he always had before.

I don't want to dwell on the days leading up to March 10. It was a parade of relatives and an absolute blur to me. My aunt and grandmother were there day and night. I came by several times a day but continued to work. On March 10, I was at the hospital at dinner time to try to get Phil to eat something. He was too weak to lift a spoon so I fed him. The only thing he was willing to eat was a small cup of vanilla ice cream. I told Phil I loved him and he told me he loved me. Then I went home to make dinner for Paul and myself.

At 10:00pm the phone rang. It was Phil's doctor. He told me that Phil had slipped into a coma right after I left and had died at 7:30pm. I couldn't register those words at first. Then I was furious that I hadn't been called immediately. Then the reality of the situation hit me like a ton of bricks. I became hysterical. When my parents died I was grief stricken but this was different. Paul did his best to comfort me but I could not be consoled. I had to make those horrible phone calls to relatives. The worst was telling my aunt and my grandmother. I'll spare my readers the details. I needed a drink and beer wouldn't cut it. Paul went out and bought me a bottle of scotch and I drank all night.

The next few days happened with me in a fog. Memorial service, burial arrangements (Phil was cremated but buried with our mother), these arrangements were made somehow but I barely remember all the things I had to do. I just kept drinking and my aunt did the driving. Then suddenly it was all over. According to the death certificate Phil died due to complications caused by HIV. AIDS. What a dreadful, horrible word.

During the year that followed I continued to drink far too much. Paul couldn't take it and left me by sneaking out. I didn't even know he had gone til he called me from our apartment in New York to tell me he had gone. Then I looked around the house and finally noticed that all his stuff was gone. I hadn't known there was any problem.

That was my rock bottom time in my life. I owe Paul a thank you for bringing me back to reality. I stopped drinking and started reading lots of books with metaphysical subject matter. I decided then and there that I wanted to rejoin the human race. I wanted to share all these wonderful ideas I had been reading about. I wanted to apply the concepts to my own life and that's when the real work began. I evolved over time. I became calm and peaceful as meditation became a daily ritual. I reached out to friends I had been ignoring. I counted on Phil's beautiful spirit to be with me and I believe he is with me to this day. Not a day goes by that I don't think of my little brother. He was only 29 when he moved on but I see him as still with me. So he has aged right along with me in my mind. Nothing and no one dies as long a they are remembered.

This was a hard story to tell. Believe me it is only a thumbnail sketch but it is a window to my soul. All the challenges that I have faced in my life made me who I am today. They made me strong. They gave me understanding and empathy for others. They helped me to love more deeply and to share my love more freely and fully. Something good can always come from something that seems so bad. It's all in how you choose to look at things.

                                            Peace and Love,

                                               Austin/Bill

                                     www.wahjr56.blogspot.



my way of thinking: Phil part 2

Part one was about my brother Phil's life as a child. I left off with him beginning High School as a very troubled teen, constantly in trouble and doing drugs.

Half way through High School our Mother passed away after her very long battle after having an artificial valve placed in her heart. Her body finally rejected the artificial valve and there was nothing back then (1972) that doctors could do. Mom's death changed our family forever.


While I went immediately back into rehearsals to reprise the role of El Gallo in "The Fantsticks"( I had played the part in repertory the summer before) , Phil continued his downward spiral. I was in turmoil but worked through it by getting back to work with even more determination. Phil reacted by getting into more trouble, smoking cigarettes and pot, taking pills, and lots of alcohol.

When our father remarried just 5 months after our mom's passing, Phil and I both reacted with horror. I moved out but Phil was stuck. Dad sold our home in Arcadia and moved to Fullerton, California. Phil had to change schools. That could have been a fresh start but Phil only became even worse. My father couldn't deal with him and called me to say that he was going to put Phil in foster care. Today I'm not sure if that was an idle threat or a foregone conclusion. Either way, I couldn't allow that to happen. I moved out to Anaheim and took Phil in as my roommate. It was the only decision I could make.

Phil was graduated at the end of his junior year (an interesting way for the school to get rid of a trouble maker). Once away from school he seemed to straighten up and I breathed a sigh of relief. I was in college and working as a directory assistance operator so I didn't have a lot of time to supervise my kid brother. It was every man for himself time. My relief was short lived.

On my 20th birthday, I was taken to see a musical at The Schubert Theatre in Century City. Nothing could have made me happier. When I arrived back to our Orange County home, I found Phil completely out of it with two empty bottles of over the counter sleeping pills on his nightstand. It was only 5 days before his 18th birthday and we had been looking forward to getting Phil a place of his own so I could move closer to U.C.L.A. Instead I took Phil to the hospital where he was admitted to their psychatric unit. No matter how much love I gave Phil, no matter how much help I offered, I couldn't heal the hurt he felt inside. I had to get out. I secured him a chance to live with our Aunt Ruth Lee and proceeded to pack up and move back to Arcadia.

After Phil's release from the hospital, he moved in with our Aunt, stopped drinking and doing drugs, and got a Realestate license. As always, I was hopeful. As always, I was disappointed. I forgot to mention that our father passed away shortly after Phil moved in with me. Another factor that had very different effects on the two of us.

When Phil began slipping into his old patterns, my Aunt decided that they would move to Hawaii. They left. I went on a 3 month tour of "My Fair Lady" and then I moved to NYC. After a year, Phil parted company with our aunt and followed me to New York. He stayed with me for a month or so and found himself a place to live. He was surviving by being a prostitute. A call boy not a street hustler. By this time I simply stuck my head in the sand and kept out of Phil's business. There is so much more to that part of the story but....

Phil spent a year in NYC and moved back to California after a failed attempt at a relationship. When I finished my last show in New York, I moved back to California too. Phil bounced from one car rental agency to another. He got bored so easily. I don't think he ever kept a job for more than 6 months. Somehow he always kept a roof over his head. We remained close and spoke by phone every day. Phil continued to have an on again/off again relationship with reality. He never did use that realestate license. He also never gave up the drugs.

By 1985 I had been with a partner, Paul, and Phil had been in a major car accident that wasn't his fault. He received a $113,000.00 settlement and proceeded to blow it all within a year. Oh Phil. You wouldn't let me help you with all that money. Things went from bad to worse in 1986. Phil was shooting up cocaine and his health was failing. My crying and begging him to stop fell on deaf ears.

Well, there is going to have to be a part 3 to this story. Give me a few days and I will bring this to a conclusion.

                                            Peace and Love,

                                                Austin/Bill

                                    www.wahjr56.blogspot.com