My way of thinking/ bullies

I have been thinking about writing this post to my blog for quite some time.  Something else always came up, partly because I think I was avoiding this particular topic.  The topic is bullying and today I can no longer avoid writing about it.


On facebook someone sent me a request to join a cause that is fighting to prevent teen suicide due to bullying.  Old memories suddenly presented themselves, as they are wont to do at the slightest provocation.  I found myself remembering experiences in Junior High.  That was 7th-9th grade for me.  Back then I was a rather unusual kid.  I loved musical theatre.  I loved to sing.  I dreamt of being an actor.  These things don't seem unusual now, but at the age of 12-14, these things were considered strange by the boys who dreamt of sports or following in daddie's footsteps.


I was never timid about expressing myself to anyone who would listen to me.  Perhaps that was where I went wrong.  I started hearing the word "fag" at age 12.  I wasn't sure what that meant but I knew it was not a compliment.  It went from something whispered behind my back to something that was said directly to my face.  Then I began to get offers to fight some of the older boys at school.  Then they began waiting for me to get off the bus on my way home.  I didn't want to fight them.  I didn't have any idea how to fight.  I tried just ignoring them.  That wasn't working.  They became more cruel and agressive.  I finally began riding my bike the 3 miles to my school to avoid these confrontations.


Eventually, as my singing and acting began to be recognized for the special talents and gifts they were, the teasing subsided.  I developed a group of friends, many of them older, who helped me create a certain respect.  I was released from these bullies by refusing to be intimidated and by following the beat of my own drum.  I refused to give in to the pressure to conform and I won.


My message here is not that I was strong enough to keep from succumbing to pier pressure.  The message is about those who are not that strong.  Not every child has the supportive and loving family that I had.  Not every child is as driven and self-assured as I was.  For many this form of abuse is overwhelming.  Feeling that they have nowhere else to turn, they feel that life is just not worth the effort.  Too many take their own lives.  Too many adults turn a blind eye, or worse, consider this as some right of passage.  This is what must stop.  The general apathy towards bullying is unacceptable and it is up to us to stop it.


Sadly there are many adult bullies out there as well.  We even attempt to ignore them even after we have grown up (hopefully).  We owe it to our kids and grandkids to stand up to the bullies around us, no matter what their age.  If we remain silent on this issue, how do we expect little boys and girls to stand up for themselves.  We have to take the love we feel for one another and protect those who are vulnerable, whether they are old or young.  We make a difference, but only when we choose to stand up.  I urge you to join me.  Make a difference by putting fear (not common sense) aside.  Expose the bullies among us.  Let them know how hurtful they are.  Ostrasize them.  Isolate them.  Never put up with hate speach.  Never allow negatives to outweigh positives.  If there ever has been such a thing as a devil, negativity is the equivolent.  Love is the antidote.



                                          Peace and Love,

                                                                    Austin/Bill
                                 www.wahjr56.blogspot.com

My way of thinking/ Barbara Howe

On February 16, 1972 my mother, Barbara, transitioned to her new and eternal place in the Universe.  40 years later, not a day goes by that I don't think of her.  I imagine it will be that way until mom and I meet again.

It seems appropriate that I share Barbara with you on this anniversary.  She was a rare and wonderful human being.  I was only 17 when she passed over, but that was old enough to appreciate what an incredible woman she was.  The lessons she taught me by her remarkable example are lessons well worth learning.

Mom was a Christian singer, starting at the age of six.  She was somewhat of a prodegy and began singing on the radio in 1932.  That was in Beaumont, Texas.  At age 16 the family moved to California and she continued to sing on radio programs in Los Angeles.  As she got a little older she was a popular soloist in churches and big tent meetings.  Music was one of the most important things in her life, just one of the many things we had/have in common.

Barbara became popular with a singing group called, Phil Kerr's Harmony Chorus.  The group did a musicale program at the Pasadena Civic Auditorium every Monday night in the early 1950s.  In 1952 she met and married my dad and in 1954, I came along.  My brother, Phil joined the family two years later.

Without writing a book,  I'll settle for that thumbnail sketch of Mom's life up to that point.  But by the late '50s Mom's health began to deteriorate.  She would have trouble performing live because her energy was so low.  It turned out that she had a defective valve in her heart and the prognosis was not good.  But by 1965 medicine had progressed a long way.  She had one of the first open heart surgeries where they replaced her defective valve with a plastic one.  It was pretty experimental back then and it caused many problems such as rejection and strokes.  The positive thing about the operation was that it extended her life an extra seven years.  Time enough to raise her boys and pass on her wisdom and love.

I learned the importance of staying optimistic, thinking positively, and living each day to the fullest.  I learned the value of things like loyalty, compassion, and commitment.  Mom taught these things by exemplifying these qualities herself.  Whenever I find myself forgetting any of these things, I remember Barbara and find it easy to choose to be like her.  Even at the very end of her life, she still found ways to give of herself to everyone who needed her help and guidance.  She always encouraged my brother and me, and she was so proud that I was a singer.  She was at every performance even when she was confined to a wheelchair.  She taught me how to be a good person.  I honor my Mother by emulating her in every way I know how.

There are so many stories to tell.  I'm sure this won't be the last time I write about my Mom.  Today, on this 40th anniversary of her transition, I just wanted to share this inspiring woman.  I love you Mom!

                                       Peace and Love,

                                           Austin/Bill

                              www.wahjr56.blogspot.com

My way of thinking/ Cubby

At the end of my second Broadway contract, with my first attempt at a long term relationship waiting to meet me at a bar, I decided to walk to the bar after the show.  I loved the walk and it was a beautiful night.  I was happy and excited about the future.  I had two job offers, both would take me away from my beloved NYC but, after all, that was what actors had to do sometimes.


As I crossed over from Broadway to Columbus Ave. at 76th Street it was trash night so I was keeping my eye out for some unwanted treasure, when I saw movement in a trash bin.  Assuming it was a rat, I approached with caution.  I will never forget that moment.  It wasn't a rat.  It was a newborn puppy.  She was wiggling around amid nine other pups, all dead.  She was fighting for her life, hanging on for me to find her.  I gently lifted her out of her tomb and pressed her against my chest, carefully covering her with my jacket.  We went to the bar, met up with my new partner, and hustled up to 86th St. where we lived.  We barely said hello to the doorman because my goal was to get to my friend, Denise who worked for the ASPCA.  She had 3 rescue dogs and would know what to do.  After waking Denise up, she made a few phone calls, got dressed, and we hailed a cab to take us across town to the ASPCA headquarters.  A Vet was on standby and he checked our newborn out.  He wasn't exactly optimistic but he supplied us with formula, baby bottles, and some meds.  Back home we went with my trash can treasure.  She looked like a tiny bear cub, so I named her Cubby.  That night was the beginning of the most pivotal 12 years of my life.


Cubby thrived and grew into a healthy, happy puppy with constant care and bottle feedings every two hours.  Denise, Bill, and I took shifts.  When she was 8 weeks old I was ready to make a huge decision.  We were going to California and I was going to take a role on my first and only sitcom.  The sitcom lasted all of six weeks but Cubby was there for me.  After just 4 years my relationship with Bill ended, but Cubby remained. I kept right on working as an actor.  Jobs came and went, a new partner came and went, but Cubby remained.  I raised Australian Shepherds as show dogs.  They came and went, but Cubby remained.  My brother passed away and Cubby saw me through the worst year of my life.  She was my rock, the one constant in a world full of change.


Cubby was my girl for 12 tumultuous years.  On October 11, 1992 she ran away from me on a walk in West Hollywood.  My other dog, Briar and I searched for her for hours.  We finally found her lying beneath a bush.  Cubby had crossed over that Rainbow Bridge.  I was beyond sad.  I was bereft.  I carried her home that night just as I had carried her home the first night we met. 


The next day I had her cremated.  A friend asked me to meet him for a drink and I went.  I NEEDED that drink.  That was the night I met Jon, my partner of 19+ years.  You see, Cubby knew her work was done on earth so she became my angel, arranging a life for me that has been utterly incredible.  To this day I feel Cubby's presence.  Her shadow walks with me, Roxy, and Charlie on every walk.


Love never dies!



                                             Peace and Love,


                                                Austin/Bill


                                   www.wahjr56.blogspot.com

My way of thinking/ Mourning the Loss of a Pet

My friend Scott and I met on Facebook a short time ago.  It wasn't long before we found that we had a lot in common, in particular a great love of animals.  Together we started a group called Robin's Hope: A Place for Animal Awareness.  It is a Facebook page where people can share pictures, videos, stories, rescue information, and basically anything to do with animals of all kinds.  The group was a hit from the start and it wasn't long before we realized we needed to do more for our members.  At the suggestion of one of our members, Rhonda Newport, we created a new page called Robin's Rainbow: A Place to Remember.  On this page members can share about beloved pets who have crossed over that rainbow to a place where they wait patiently to be reunited with the ones who loved them.


Robin's Rainbow quickly filled with remembrances and I was struck by the similarities in our grief.  We all shared a common bond and understanding of what it's like to lose a best friend of the four legged, furry kind.  People who have never had a pet find this deep love a little confusing.  But at Robin's Rainbow they can share without those looks that say, gee I'm sorry you're upset, but I don't really understand why.


I have written a number of stories about the dogs who passed over in the last few months.  I'm sure that many of you recognize the picture of Atticus.  Before him I wrote a piece about Maynard.  These were fiends of mine as well as their owners.  I grieved for them too.  Bonnie (also pictured here was one of my dogs) I will always miss her happy personality and the love we shared.  But I went on to have other dogs, and even a cat, in my life.  Atticus' mama has a new kid named Timmy Elijah.  Maynard's mom isn't quite sure yet but, whatever she eventually decides, she carries the love that Maynard gave her in her heart at all times.  Love never dies!


I believe that the more we love, the more we are able to love.  When a loved one goes away for any reason, we don't stop loving.  We can't stop sharing love because of the pain that comes when love changes direction.  This is true of all our relationships.  We can remember the hurt and pain and close ourselves off.  Or we can remember the joy that came with the love we felt.  It is a choice.  My hope is that we can continue to love in spite of the fear of loss.  Take that love that burns within your very soul and give it to another.


Okay.  Maybe a little preachy, but I want you all to enjoy the greatest gift we are given by a loving Universe.  That is the gift of love.  Without it we are sadly incomplete.


                                            Peace and Love,


                                                Austin/Bill


                 

                                 www.wahjr56.blogspot.com   

My way of thinking/ Mommee the cat

What the....?  An Austin's Thoughts about a cat?  I thought he only loved dogs.  I must be on the wrong blog.  Oh, well it still says Austin's thoughts, guess I'll go ahead and read it. 


Jon and I lived in Key West, Florida from 1993 - 1997.  It is a very different kind of place, almost like living in a foreign country.  We owned a mobile home there in a trailer park that was right smack dab in the middle of downtown.  Right between the Atlantic and the Gulf Of Mexico.  Chickens run around free in Key West.  Kind of like pigeons in the rest of the country.  There are also hundreds of stray cats.  I want to tell you about one of them.


Soon after we settled into our home I noticed a particular little black and white cat that seemed to like hanging out around our lot.  Of course, I was off to Circle K right away to buy some cat food.  She didn't look underfed.  In fact, I thought at first she might be pregnant.  That's why I started calling her Mommee.  I couldn't get near her but I decided to make it my personal challenge to tame this savage beast.  I began moving her food dish closer and closer to the sliding glass door that was the entrance to our home.  Inch by inch at first. Then a foot at a time.  I began to sit outside near her, but not too near at first, while she ate.  Slowly her dish and I were getting closer to each other.  I would talk to her while she ate in my most soothing voice.  She seemed to be listening and enjoying the non-threatening sound of my voice.  When I finally got to the point where her food dish and I were on the step that was in front of our door, I put my hand right next to her food dish.  She was suspicious at first, but I didn't move my hand while she gobbled down her dinner.  She was beginning to trust that I wasn't a danger to her.  After about a week just sitting on the step, I started leaving the door open so that I could sit in the threshhold just above her.  Then I moved the dish up next to me one day.  Mommee was about to take her first step into a home.


She was wary for the first few days of this but curious as well.  Then one day she decided to smell the hand that had been next to her dish for weeks.  I still didn't move my hand.  I just let her sniff.  But I was slowly inching my way further and further inside.  Once we had achieved all four paws inside the trailer, I decided it was time to touch her.  Slowly I moved my hand to her nose as she sniffed it.  Then I caressed her head.  Surprisingly, she seemed to like this.  I'm sure it was the first time she had ever experienced human affection.


I then began to do the opposite.  She was coming all the way inside without fear so I began moving away from her dish.  And lo and behold, she began coming to me for those strokes of love and affection.  I had myself a cat.  This process was weeks in the making, but it was fun to see if I could make a wild cat into a tame one.  Jon had always liked cats and had owned a few, but I had never had one before.  After awhile she was sitting in my lap while we watched TV.  She was allowing me to pick her up so it was time to go to the vet for shots and to have her spayed.  That's a whole story by itself.


I just realized that the story of Mommee and me could make a nice children's book.  The ending wasn't a happy one but I could change the real ending for a kid's book.  The real ending came in 1997 after Hurricane Georges ripped through Key West and destroyed our home and everything in it.  Everything but my precious Mommee.  We felt that it was time for us to leave so we gave our kitty to our next door neighbor.  He was a good friend and he had always brought Mommee treats so she liked him.  We had to leave but it was sad indeed to leave my friend behind.  We were taking the Greyhound back to California and I cried half the way there.  I miss Mommee to this day.  I wish I had a real picture of her.  The one I used for this story was borrowed from a friend who is a member of my facebook group, "Robin's Hope: A Place for Animal Awareness".  If you haven't already visited our group, you really should.


There is so much more to tell about Mommee.  I will add more stories as we go along.  For now, I'll leave it with the message that love can truly make miracles.  Austin and his CAT!  Who'd have thought it.


                                           Peace and Love,


                                               Austin/Bill


                                  www.wahjr56.blogspot.com

My way of thinking/ Training your dog

I have had dogs all my life.  Starting with a Dachshund in 1959 and moving on to larger breeds as I got a little older.  I began learning to train them very early through my Father who was a stickler for obedience (from the dogs and my brother and me too).  I always loved my dogs and I wanted them to obey me, but I wasn't fond of some of the tricks of the trade.  Things like swatting a newspaper to get their attention and giving treats just because they did what you asked somehow didn't seem right to me, even at an early age.


In 1982 and began raising Australian Shepherds for show.  I had a rescue dog as well, but the idea of going to dog shows and breeding was of a certain interest to me.  I didn't really think it through very well.  The work involved was way more than I had bargained for.  All the obedience classes and all those dog shows.  And the pain of selling them to make room for more was something I hadn't bargained on.  After 10 years I called it quits.  I still had my rescue girl, Cubby, and I kept just one Aussie, Briar.

During my tenure as an obedience trainer, I began to apply some new methods of my own.  Instead of rewarding good behavior with treats, I rewarded them with praise and a kiss.  People at the dog shows were appalled.  I cut out the tricks people like to teach their dogs and went simply for the commands necessary to control and protect.  Dogs need to know how to come, sit, stay, lie down, and stop.  Roll over, shake, sit up, are all cute tricks but unless your dog is going to be on TV these are not necessary commands for your dog's well being.  They are tricks for your own amusement.

When Jon and I got our current two dogs, Roxy and Charlie, we decided together to allow them to act like dogs.  We taught them only the basics and we taught with nothing but our love.  They were given treats occasionally just to show our love, but we only reward them with love when they obey a command.  We found that the more we gave them reasonable freedom, the more they were willing to do to get that loving attention.  Also it seems they learned to understand more things than we had to teach them.  They followed their instincts.  They are loving and sweet.  They are very well socialized.  The only punishment they receive is the silent treatment for an hour or two.  That really gets them more than a harsh word or cracked newspaper.

I call this method "Love Training" and I have even given classes on how to employ this method of training successfully.  Unless you want a circus or show dog, this method works to provide you with a happy, well adjusted, and obedient family member.  Many disagree with me but the proof is in the pudding.  Patience and love are your primary tools in having the best training outcome.

                                        Peace and Love,

                                           Austin/Bill

                                www.wahjr56.blogspot.com

My way of thinking/ Mr. Budders

Every once in awhile a picture comes along that expresses everything  I hold dear.  This picture of my new friend Julie's grandson, Justin with his beloved friend, Mr. Budders speaks for itself.  Can any words speak more eloquently about love?  My readers know that love is my theme.  A boy and his dog.  Me.


Mr. Budders was one of those pet shop impulse buys.  Stores are in the business of making money so they will sell to anyone.  No background check.  No questions about what kind of home environement you can provide.  Just pay and you have a pet.  But we know there is so much more to having a new family member than that.  Mr. Budders was rescued by Julie Harris when she found him in an abusive situation.  She actually took him away from her daughter-in-law who seemed to think a backyard dog was fine.  Geez.  That's right.  Just stick a loving animal in your backyard, put out some food and water if you remember to do it and call him your "pet".


Cocker Spaniels are notoriously overbread.  They often come with health issues.  Julie has learned this to the tune of thousands of dollars.  Every penny was spent with love.  This is a person worthy of having a dog.  But people need to know what they're getting into when they buy that doggie in the window.


Dogs don't usually come housebroken.  Forget carpet.  Buy paper towels in bulk.  Plan on a process of training with lots of love.  If you don't have lots of love to share, stick to ordering out for pizza!  But, if you do have love to spread around, you will be well rewarded by the love you will receive in return.


My friend, Scott VerSprill and I have started a group on Facebook called "Robin's Hope: A Place for Animal Awareness".  I urge you to join us with your stories, pictures, and love for four legged friends!  My partner, Jon and our "kids", Roxy and Charlie will also be grateful for your love and support.  Together we can all make a HUGE difference!!!


                                        Peace and Love,


                                           Austin/Bill


                                www.wahjr56.blogspot.com