Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Rant # 10

Yesterday I had a chance to go through all  the comments and questions that I have received about my blog. I am grateful for each and every one of them. I thought that I would try to further discuss the most frequently discussed topic. That would be the concept of unconditional love.

Many of my readers have expressed disappointment that they have never experienced unconditional love in their lifetime. As I have said before, the only true unconditional love we experience as adults is going to come from a baby or a dog. Even cats seem to put conditions on their love. Babies have not yet been conditioned to expect a return on their love. Once we learn that we can have expectations, the party is over. We learn to expect that whatever we give, should give us some kind of return. That is what messes us up.

The best advice I can give for an experience of love that comes close to being unconditional is to try to practice giving it yourself. But the moment you expect anything in return, and I mean anything, you have already blown it. It is very hard, maybe even impossible to keep our hopes, desires, and fantasies out of the way. Wouldn't it be nice if life could imitate a Disney animated film? But that is highly unrealistic and a real set up for disappointment.

Remember that you have freedom of choice. You can choose to do your best to love without asking for anything in return. Forgive yourself if you can't quite do it successfully. Continue to try and in time you will find that you are getting closer to your goal. Keep in mind that the goal is only for yourself. You can't ask someone to share that goal. Once you ask that you have missed the point.

I did hear from a number of readers that they have trouble leaving comments directly to this blog. I have tried to find out what the problem is but I can't seem to get a reasonable answer. Something about cookies and caches. Greek to me. You can comment to me directly at wahjr56@gmail.com or find me on facebook.com/wahjr56. I truly love hearing from you all. I especially love that many of you are recommending my blog to friends and family. That is such a blessing to me.

Peace and Love,



  1. Bill, you are right on with this blog. We all want unconditional love, but don't give it to ourselves. And expectations only bring disappointment.

  2. As you said, the easiest tangible path towards unconditional love is through our dogs! I think they are in our lives to teach us that lesson for ourselves, as you pointed out. I think it all comes down to forgiveness (self-forgiveness, often) and abandoning all expectation.

    Nice post to start the morning :)

    Heidi & Atticus
    "commentary to give you paws..."

  3. Comments inspire me to keep on writing! Thank you.

  4. As a cat owner, I can say you are correct that cats don't give unconditional love. Maybe to the can of food you have in your hand... (and yet, I do so love cats)

    Sadly, many adults are seeking a kind of love that they never got from a parent and do expect something that does not come.

    Your advice to practice unconditional love with ourselves is wonderful--and a hard task! I know I can be a harsh critic toward myself. I appreciate the opportunity to remind myself how important it is to cultivate genuine acceptance of self--asking nothing in return and embracing all of myself (not just what immediately "pleases me").

    Judy Stone-Goldman
    The Reflective Writer
    Personal-Professional Balance Through Writing

  5. Still working on an easier way to post. I love it when someone understands what I'm saying Judy. Love comes from our spirit and spirit lies within. So many people look without and therein lies the setup for disappointment.

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  7. Bill, I so agree with what you write about doing your best. We can't do any more, can we?

    It's difficult to give without having or expecting some sort of payback.Even if it's that feel good factor. That wonderful feeling we get when we see someone else's joy. Or the feeling that we are needed by others.

    In that sense, does altruism really exist...? Food for thought.

    Fiona Stolze
    Inspired Art and Living

  8. I've heard Heidi refer to you as Austin and since there is some name confusion I'll go with that ... please forgive if I get it wrong.

    Great post! You write the calmest and most coherent rants I've ever seen.

    Just the topic of unconditional love makes me smile! Of course babies and little children manage it but seem to grow out of it somewhere around the time they learn to say 'whatever'. It is the dogs and horses that I rely on for love - and with horses its like being loved by a butterfly lasting 30 seconds before they find something else to occupy their little minds.

    Loving yourself unconditionally is a marvelous concept, too often we blame ourselves and doubt ourselves for perceived faults or failures when in fact we are doing the best job we can. Perhaps by loving ourselves we would be in a better place to love others the same way!

    Definitely inspired deeper consideration.

    Laine D.
    "Aspire to Inspire"

  9. Hi Austin/Bill! What a lovely post. I have over the last few months been going through a period of emotional and spiritual growth and have been learning to take better care of myself and forgive myself - and forgiveness helps on the path to unconditional love. But yes, my dogs really do love me unconditionally!

    Your commenting problem is that you are on blogspot - it's a nightmare to comment on. I have learned to copy my comments before I hit post as so many disappear. You should move to wordpress.com......
    Louise Edington
    Breaking Through Online Frontiers

  10. What an inspiring post I think as humans we all have that "self' in us...we probably need it to survive but some have more than others and some are able to use less of it than others. It may be a skill we can learn. Thanks for reminding us all to try to be more "selfless"

    Julie Labes: The Fun-Loving, Feisty, Fearless, Frisky, Fierce Over 50 Traveler

  11. Such an inspiring and thought-provoking post! I have to admit this really made me think becaue I always tell my kids: you get what you give which I can see might be setting them up to have expectations about what they are giving. I'll have to give this some more thought.

    caregiving. family. advocacy.

  12. Hi Bill,

    I love your blog very much! Unconditional love is the answer to everything. We should never expect from others or ourselves. A couple of years ago, I went through a very difficult time in my life and a priest friend recommended the book "Awaken" by Anthony de Mello. It was the right time to read it and I quickly understood that I was doing the right thing. Ever since, I found so much more peace in my life!
    The answer lies within ourselves.
    Thank you for spreading the love,

    Franziska San Pedro
    The Abstract Impressionist Artress